Learning To Examine Every Aspect Of Self
In my early years when I was growing up in this life, I do admit that I never used to be prolific at self-regulating my emotions and feelings. I was mostly cold and distant. I most definitely never did the inner work when I was younger. I would never allow myself to go there, and to me it was easier to not let much inside. I wanted to be in total control of an uncontrollable situation, and I knew instinctively to remain as silent as I could. There were moments where I was oblivious and unaware before my physical activation. That is the truth and I hate to admit that, there was a terror that I felt within me where I was afraid to express myself. I wasn’t skilled at openly expressing who I was, and how could I when I wasn’t sure what I wanted to express. I must have looked like a robot to people, and I guarantee that my peers felt how different my frequency was.
At the age of 24 all of that changed and one year later; I finally started to feel my emotions and dissect small aspects of what was inside of me. I’m not sure what the block was. It could be that it’s a male thing and I’m not used to feeling emotionless, then again it could just be that I find this earth reality a gigantic farce. I don’t take anything that people do here all that seriously, and I don’t find it interesting. Do I have to care that you went to so-and-so’s party and got drunk. That you did that uninteresting thing on that day. That you’re so well established and think your better than I. The list could go on and on. It was in 2015 that I finally started to do the work and learn how to accept endless aspects of me that I was finally able to express.
This is my third article in this new series, and it is going to focus more on what my personal experiences are, while living through my own individual ascension process. This article will also not include very many topics, events, and the many experiences, that I went through regarding my physical activation. That part of my life is all over and done with. Everything that I have written about in those articles, they are all in chronological order in the section titled Energetic Earth: Personal Stories. While this is a continuation of my personal experiences, they have nothing to do with that time. This time period between (2015-2019) explains specific key moments that I lived through, and it was a year after everything had happened. This article continues multiple years after the physical activation date. The timeline for this article cannot be measured in one singular event, there were many different moments that occurred for me throughout several years where I became aware that this was happening. When you’re getting acquainted with all of the other aspects of yourself, there tends to be multiple events that show you multiple aspects of who you are.
Throughout all of (2015-2019) another big theme that I did experience, was an internal pull towards actually dealing with all of my emotions and to learn how to accept myself. That was not an easy thing for me to do. I have had issues with self-acceptance in many lives that I have lived, and in this one it blew up to the point of it becoming such an extreme problem that it almost felt unresolvable. I haven’t had any kind of support system here in this life, I have not had support from my family who are very much stuck in the Piscean way of life. I have not had support through friends and those friendships, and all of those friends (that I thought were friends.) I left the majority of them behind because I needed to, and the Ascension process took me into a whole different direction. There has never really been any kind of support system here for me, and everything that I have dealt with I have needed to do it all on my own. It has been downright exhausting but worth the experience, you learn so much about who you are and what you’re made of.
Learning More About Self
It was in early 2015 when I experienced what I like to call Memory Recall, where different memories were jumping out at me to be remembered about my past life. There were a lot of emotions that I had that I knew were not my own from this life. These emotions had all come from me, but they came from different versions of who I once was. In different times. It wasn’t just emotions; these were tangible memories and insecurities that I carried in my energy. I had to deal with these emotions and insecurities in a lot of my more recent lifetimes, and nothing was going away in this life either. It was such a strong feeling and it felt like I had agreed to return back here in this life, with all of those emotions multiplied by ten. These insecurities were absolutely beyond intense, and I’ve never felt such severe: (Self-loathing, abandonment issues, neglect, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, fear, and despair.) It was so exhausting. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and that was all coming from other versions of me, during different times. That isn’t even all of what I felt that was coming from these memory recalls, there was a lot of other stuff going on.
There was nothing that could compare to my biggest challenge, which was my inability to love myself. I think more in terms of I love who I am becoming now, but even that way of thinking has taken a long time to get to. That was the major issue that I remember feeling in a good majority of my lives lived, and I’ve had many lives where I was alone and other lives where I was partnered. In each life self-love was a gigantic issue, I didn’t know how to love myself and the people I was with never expressed that. I was always busy loving them and there was a slight imbalance. I was giving too much in my other lives, and I got nothing back in return. That was the first major issue that I needed to correct in this life, and I focused on slowly loving myself and even till this day it is a constant battle. It is important to build yourself up and to give yourself the support that other people don’t give you, and that was the first step in my healing. Am I completely healed? No, not by a long shot. I take it one day at a time and I focus more on myself now more than others.
The Single Mother With Children
In this Past Life Memory that I am going to share, I’ll be explaining what I remember about this specific life and I’m sharing it because it is a perfect example of an imbalance in lack of love. It was one of those lives that I remember giving all of my love to others, and not feeling like I got the exact same love back in return.
In this life, I was a female and because this was a while ago in earth time. It was part of what we consider the middle east. My situation was that I was married, and we had two children together in this life. There was a lot of civil unrest in this life and in the area where we lived as a family, while there was love between me and my husband at the time. My husband in this life died. I was then responsible for taking care of two children on my own, and I became a single mother that sort of lost that dependable love I always received. I remember giving everything to my children and even when I didn’t want to, when I was in agony and mourning him. I had to keep moving forward with life even when I didn’t want to. I remember being very angry about the whole situation. I remember having to move to another area and that was difficult, it was a difficult time and way before cars were invented. I didn’t even have a cart with a horse. I didn’t even have a donkey.
I didn’t have much money either. We were poor and eventually we got situated in a new area, but all the love I had to give to my children was not returned to me. I gave and I gave. I didn’t last very long in that life and there was a lot of pain that eventually, led to my death as a middle-aged woman. I did get to see my children grow up, but they moved on and I never got what I always felt I needed again. I never learned to love myself and that it was even an option, I always clanged onto the mindset of my husband can only give me love. I had an opportunity to learn to self-love and then give that to my children, I never managed to do that in that life, and it could have been different.
The Ascension Process will test you in ways that you never knew you could be, and in each life that also will happen to you too. If there is anything that I hope anyone can take from this specific article, as I have written many of them. Is that you shouldn’t be so harsh with yourself, the world is already a harsh place to be in. There is no-one that will make it easy for you here, they don’t want to do that for you so you have to do it for yourself. The most important thing anyone can do for themselves is to learn self-acceptance, and to learn how to eventually love yourself. I wish that it didn’t take me this long to realize this, but you grow more and what you don’t already know you eventually learn. Had I learned this earlier in another life it would have been a lot easier, so give yourself that chance to have the good things that you deserve as a human being. It’s a right and you have that right to love who you are unconditionally. Do that work.
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