Category: Energetic Earth & Stories of This Incarnation

Learning Self-Acceptance: I Had To Examine Every Aspect Of Self.

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Learning To Examine Every Aspect Of Self 

In my early years when I was growing up in this life, I do admit that I never used to be prolific at self-regulating my emotions and feelings. I was mostly cold and distant. I most definitely never did the inner work when I was younger. I would never allow myself to go there, and to me it was easier to not let much inside. I wanted to be in total control of an uncontrollable situation, and I knew instinctively to remain as silent as I could. There were moments where I was oblivious and unaware before my physical activation. That is the truth and I hate to admit that, there was a terror that I felt within me where I was afraid to express myself. I wasn’t skilled at openly expressing who I was, and how could I when I wasn’t sure what I wanted to express. I must have looked like a robot to people, and I guarantee that my peers felt how different my frequency was. 

At the age of 24 all of that changed and one year later; I finally started to feel my emotions and dissect small aspects of what was inside of me. I’m not sure what the block was. It could be that it’s a male thing and I’m not used to feeling emotionless, then again it could just be that I find this earth reality a gigantic farce. I don’t take anything that people do here all that seriously, and I don’t find it interesting. Do I have to care that you went to so-and-so’s party and got drunk. That you did that uninteresting thing on that day. That you’re so well established and think your better than I. The list could go on and on. It was in 2015 that I finally started to do the work and learn how to accept endless aspects of me that I was finally able to express.

This is my third article in this new series, and it is going to focus more on what my personal experiences are, while living through my own individual ascension process. This article will also not include very many topics, events, and the many experiences, that I went through regarding my physical activation. That part of my life is all over and done with. Everything that I have written about in those articles, they are all in chronological order in the section titled Energetic Earth: Personal Stories. While this is a continuation of my personal experiences, they have nothing to do with that time. This time period between (2015-2019) explains specific key moments that I lived through, and it was a year after everything had happened. This article continues multiple years after the physical activation date. The timeline for this article cannot be measured in one singular event, there were many different moments that occurred for me throughout several years where I became aware that this was happening. When you’re getting acquainted with all of the other aspects of yourself, there tends to be multiple events that show you multiple aspects of who you are. 

Throughout all of (2015-2019) another big theme that I did experience, was an internal pull towards actually dealing with all of my emotions and to learn how to accept myself. That was not an easy thing for me to do. I have had issues with self-acceptance in many lives that I have lived, and in this one it blew up to the point of it becoming such an extreme problem that it almost felt unresolvable. I haven’t had any kind of support system here in this life, I have not had support from my family who are very much stuck in the Piscean way of life. I have not had support through friends and those friendships, and all of those friends (that I thought were friends.) I left the majority of them behind because I needed to, and the Ascension process took me into a whole different direction. There has never really been any kind of support system here for me, and everything that I have dealt with I have needed to do it all on my own. It has been downright exhausting but worth the experience, you learn so much about who you are and what you’re made of. 

Learning More About Self

It was in early 2015 when I experienced what I like to call Memory Recall, where different memories were jumping out at me to be remembered about my past life. There were a lot of emotions that I had that I knew were not my own from this life. These emotions had all come from me, but they came from different versions of who I once was. In different times. It wasn’t just emotions; these were tangible memories and insecurities that I carried in my energy. I had to deal with these emotions and insecurities in a lot of my more recent lifetimes, and nothing was going away in this life either. It was such a strong feeling and it felt like I had agreed to return back here in this life, with all of those emotions multiplied by ten. These insecurities were absolutely beyond intense, and I’ve never felt such severe: (Self-loathing, abandonment issues, neglect, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, fear, and despair.) It was so exhausting. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and that was all coming from other versions of me, during different times. That isn’t even all of what I felt that was coming from these memory recalls, there was a lot of other stuff going on.

There was nothing that could compare to my biggest challenge, which was my inability to love myself. I think more in terms of I love who I am becoming now, but even that way of thinking has taken a long time to get to. That was the major issue that I remember feeling in a good majority of my lives lived, and I’ve had many lives where I was alone and other lives where I was partnered. In each life self-love was a gigantic issue, I didn’t know how to love myself and the people I was with never expressed that. I was always busy loving them and there was a slight imbalance. I was giving too much in my other lives, and I got nothing back in return. That was the first major issue that I needed to correct in this life, and I focused on slowly loving myself and even till this day it is a constant battle. It is important to build yourself up and to give yourself the support that other people don’t give you, and that was the first step in my healing. Am I completely healed? No, not by a long shot. I take it one day at a time and I focus more on myself now more than others. 

The Single Mother With Children 

In this Past Life Memory that I am going to share, I’ll be explaining what I remember about this specific life and I’m sharing it because it is a perfect example of an imbalance in lack of love. It was one of those lives that I remember giving all of my love to others, and not feeling like I got the exact same love back in return. 

In this life, I was a female and because this was a while ago in earth time. It was part of what we consider the middle east. My situation was that I was married, and we had two children together in this life. There was a lot of civil unrest in this life and in the area where we lived as a family, while there was love between me and my husband at the time. My husband in this life died. I was then responsible for taking care of two children on my own, and I became a single mother that sort of lost that dependable love I always received. I remember giving everything to my children and even when I didn’t want to, when I was in agony and mourning him. I had to keep moving forward with life even when I didn’t want to. I remember being very angry about the whole situation. I remember having to move to another area and that was difficult, it was a difficult time and way before cars were invented. I didn’t even have a cart with a horse. I didn’t even have a donkey.

I didn’t have much money either. We were poor and eventually we got situated in a new area, but all the love I had to give to my children was not returned to me. I gave and I gave. I didn’t last very long in that life and there was a lot of pain that eventually, led to my death as a middle-aged woman. I did get to see my children grow up, but they moved on and I never got what I always felt I needed again. I never learned to love myself and that it was even an option, I always clanged onto the mindset of my husband can only give me love. I had an opportunity to learn to self-love and then give that to my children, I never managed to do that in that life, and it could have been different. 

The Ascension Process will test you in ways that you never knew you could be, and in each life that also will happen to you too. If there is anything that I hope anyone can take from this specific article, as I have written many of them. Is that you shouldn’t be so harsh with yourself, the world is already a harsh place to be in. There is no-one that will make it easy for you here, they don’t want to do that for you so you have to do it for yourself. The most important thing anyone can do for themselves is to learn self-acceptance, and to learn how to eventually love yourself. I wish that it didn’t take me this long to realize this, but you grow more and what you don’t already know you eventually learn. Had I learned this earlier in another life it would have been a lot easier, so give yourself that chance to have the good things that you deserve as a human being. It’s a right and you have that right to love who you are unconditionally. Do that work. 

Copyright © Energetic Earth – Ascending New World, 2020. All Rights Reserved. Duplication of this article is strictly prohibited. Sharing of this article is strictly prohibited.

Coming To Earth As A Volunteer: Some Pre-Birth Memories Before My Life As A Volunteer.

On By Energetic EarthIn Energetic Earth & Stories of This Incarnation

Some Pre-Birth Life Memories 

Ever since I can remember; I would say that this started from about when I was the age of 5/6. I was already aware of the fact that I was a stranger on this earth, and that where I was did not feel like home to me. I could not verbalize that feeling that I had so much in words, but it was all in how it felt to me. That feeling was the single most important feeling that I had ever felt, and that I would ever feel. It would carry itself throughout my whole entire life, and to this day I still feel it. This feeling followed me to school and high school, and this very blatant loneliness settled in. I remember feeling very alone, and that I needed to remain quiet around other people. My entire life as a volunteer I have had to stay quiet, as quiet as I could, and a lot of the times what I was feeling, and perceiving, other people around me weren’t experiencing that. Especially, in the early years. 

As an adult who is actively living the Ascension Process, things are a little bit different now. I don’t really engage with the outside world, I go to work and quickly come home because I can’t stomach being out there for too long. I have acclimated to earth life in many ways, and I have created home where I am in my geographical location. It still hurts not being back home, but it’s not as bad as it was when I was a child. Now that I am an adult, and since I have physically activated. I have some memories of home and that helps, but I don’t have that many. I’m not allowed to remember everything and it’s blurred out for a reason.

As a Volunteer a big part of our job is to work on ourselves, to transmute energy, to embody, to do grid-work, to remove negative energy matter from the earth plane, to set up portals, to open and close timelines etc. There are lot’s of various jobs that any volunteer can choose to do. My own personal job is to embody and transmute, which is the hard physical work. This physical work is not always fun and it hurts. It is dangerous, and it isn’t anything like what I would have thought that it would be like from my higher perspective. I do have some recollection with how I felt about undertaking this physical experience as a volunteer, while still with my higher self. I initially thought that it would be a lot easier for me to deal with. There was some hesitancy on my part and mainly because you see various options. That is how I felt about it when I was back home, now that I am here and physicalized as this person and in this body. It has far surpassed my original assumptions. I’ve not quite had an experience like this before, and in such an overly populated time period. It can get in the way of the work for me, and while I was back in the higher dimensions I miscalculated how it would go.

Earth life is very different when you arrive here, then when you are back home in your dimension. There is no way to know what any outcome will be when your back in your home dimension, because life on earth can change fast. The higher dimensions require you to be at an advanced frequency in order to be there. Your highest self. That is how I remember it, so you can only see different trajectories from the highest perspective. Earth is not a higher frequency space and it isn’t filled with higher frequency beings either. Quite the contrary, the beings here are very low frequency. When you arrive here the actual experience is different, from how you viewed it from outside of your higher self. That includes from the higher frequency space that you viewed it from. It changes and your ability to navigate yourself becomes murky at best, like a dark mist that you have to walk through. 

What Is A Volunteer?

A Volunteer: A Volunteer is a higher dimensional being who agrees to physically incarnate and live the Ascension process, while on physical earth. A volunteer can look just like any normal person, but they carry with them a higher awareness. A volunteer can bring with them to the earth a specific specialty, one that they excel in that will serve to help them. That will serve to help the earth. Ex. Energy workers. Someone who excels at energy transfiguration, is going to bring that skill with them to use in this life. They understand their mission/job, and become activated via the Ascension process to undertake this journey. 

The few Pre-Birth Memories that I have access to before beginning this physical lifetime, they mainly involve the preparation process that I undertook in order to figure out what kind of life that I would live. What I would physically look like. Where I would geographically reside. What I would be doing. Who I would be (my identity.) Who I would meet, both intentional and non-intentional. What skills and specialties that I wanted to take with me, and all of this includes the types of situations that I would experience during specific periods of my life. One specific pre-birth memory that I have prior to incarnating in this life, was working on choosing the very best physical body that I would have. All beings choose a body and work on planning their life, but the body of a volunteer is a little bit different. We have to endure the physical embodiment of light energies, so our bodies are always shaped a little bit differently for these assignments. 

Choosing The Physical Body

Most of my preparation work in the higher dimensions, they involve the selection of my physical vessel. This and a few other pre-incarnational memories are all that I can remember before beginning this life.

In this memory; what I remember the most is being in a specific space of selection working with another higher dimensional being, with whom I always work with because we work together the majority of the time. We have worked together a lot whenever we come to this specific planet, and it’s natural for us both to help one another in specific areas. The memory involves me and this specific being, working on choosing the composition that would make up my physical body and the brain that would go along with it. There were many options to choose from, with specific genetic information having to be worked into the body as well. There were decisions and choices to make, with a lot of discussions about what would work and what would not work. I was also part of helping to decide this other beings physical vessel as well. 

A good majority of my other Pre-Birth Memories that I can recall involve small glimpses, into how I felt about undertaking this specific assignment this time around. What I remember the most about how I felt was how extremely hesitant I was to return to earth again. I have to mention that I am not a young soul energy that has an insatiable need to experience earth life, over and over again because I have lived very many lives here. I have lived lives during periods of time where earth was actually more advanced, with smaller populations of people. There was a certain harmony about it and you could feel it. It is too populated and chaotic as we enter the Aquarian Age, with how many people they allow to enter this place. Everyone is all just mixed in here together and it doesn’t matter at what level your at. I wasn’t looking forward to having another exhausting experience, and after a while these life experiences start to build up the more you do it. Your soul begins to feel weighed down the more experiences you have, it get’s harder and the more you have to work harder at starting over when everything else is with you. 

I remember having to be reminded that this is an important role, and that there would also be other’s who volunteered for this work as well. I had to be spoken to many times in regards to my hesitancy, because some of my other lives were so harsh and my deaths were also brutal. I had major doubts about whether I could accomplish all of what I needed to, and because I would be personally living the Ascension process and writing about it. That made it all the more difficult; I had to choose between what I should say and what I should not say. I still do even now. Eventually, I did manage to leave the higher dimension where I reside and I did incarnate. 

Physicalizing As A Human Being

The last pre-birth memory that I have does involve the actual moment where I fully entered the womb. The movement from an energy and combining with the body that I agreed to become, can be a very delicate process. A few beings tend to move right in and a few other’s wait until it becomes a situation where it is a walk-in scenario. I was never a walk-in scenario; I have been present since birth. 

My last memory that I could say is pre-birth was during the moment of actual birth during this current lifetime. I remember a glimpse only of me entering the physical vessel, just prior to being taken out of the womb through C-section. It was like a suctioning feeling, like your being pulled downward into a tiny little cocoon. It felt to me like I was suffocating almost. There wasn’t much room to expand myself to the fullest and I found that very difficult to deal with. 

I mentioned this already before but I only have a few Pre-Birth Memory recall. These are the few that I have: (Choosing a body with a special higher dimensional being, recall of hesitancy and doubt about experiencing another earth life, and the moment where I moved into my physical body at birth.) In the future there could be more memories that come up, and I might have to update this article when that does happen. If it ever happens. If there are too many memories than I might do a part two and continue the pre-birth memories. However, for now these are what I remember about my life before becoming a volunteer.  

Copyright © Energetic Earth – Ascending New World, 2020. All Rights Reserved. Duplication of this article is strictly prohibited. Sharing of this article is strictly prohibited.

Saturn Return Lesson(s): I Had To Move Straight Into The Beginning Of The Second Cycle.

On By Energetic EarthIn Energetic Earth & Stories of This Incarnation

Saturn Return During Cycle Two

It is always a surprise to me how life works sometimes. The way that life always maneuvers specific events to unfold, so that we can all have a very detailed experience. Whether good or bad. It does not matter, it is the full extent of the experience that either teaches us a lesson, or, causes us to miss the lesson entirely. I’m approaching the 30 year mark and my Saturn return is in about two weeks, it is a one and done hit which is odd. Usually, when a slow moving planet approaches a specific part in your natal chart, there tends to be more than one hit. It’s a way of easing into the full cycle; I apparently didn’t need any easing in as it is all that I need. Then I can move on. One and done. 

I’m not surprised that during my first Saturn return, that the world is currently entering Cycle Two Of The Ascension Process. It’ll continue to involve many countries in the world, during specific moments to give each region time to acclimate to this sudden change. The transition has been difficult especially (physically,) and with my Saturn return mixed in with this entire event is going to be interesting. 

When I first began studying Astrology at the age of 15, I understood that it could be used as a higher tool. That was exactly what I needed it for, so that it could help me identify important key moments in my life. Which is important to me and my current mission in this lifetime, especially with what I am writing about on this website. There are some important connections. These connections are between entering Cycle Two Of The Ascension Process and my Saturn return. It’s never only just about me. It is about the collective. It is about what comes from within me during different periods of my life; I’m coded to see specific information that I will then write about. Each period bring’s new information about the earth and it’s current state of evolution, there are other volunteers who have been perfectly designed to experience this exact thing. It does get filtered through us and we are coded to know, to feel, to see, the multiple aspects of these evolutionary changes as they unfold. There is a strong need to have this be out in the open, if not only for the younger generations of people who will be here one day reading this. Do I like it? Yes, if it’s about the information. I do not like it if it becomes all about me. I do not usually share a great deal about myself, and I am not that kind of person either. I shy away from tons of acknowledgment. I’m private. Which is why I have never revealed my name on this website publicly. I’ll only do so when I feel that I am about to transition back into a familiar spirit form again, which then means it’s time to become public. 

What Is A Saturn Return

Saturn Return: The saturn return simply put means that the Planet Saturn has returned right back to the spot, where it was on the very day and moment that you were born. It takes roughly about 28-30 years for Saturn to make one full movement throughout all 12 zodiac signs.

It’s intense isn’t it? It was designed that way. If your smart you’ll take the time out to reflect on the last 30 years of your life, if your not one for self reflection and most people in the collective are not. Then it’ll just become of of those events where your just skating by, some people like to just skate by in life without doing the work. It’s a personal choice. I am personally one for reflection. I like to do the work, so when I return back to the higher dimensions I don’t have to do so much. 

The planet Saturn rules over karma and the lessons that we take with us. There is so much more to Saturn than just these two or three points, but they are the most interesting aspects of Saturn. There come those lessons again. The worst kinds of lessons are the ones that you are constantly having to repeat, that you just didn’t learn from. I’ve had to experience a few of those ones, both in this life and in my past lives. I would hope that I’m pretty good at having an experience, and telling myself that under no circumstances do I want to have the same one again. I learn quick. I especially learned quick when it came to allowing people into my space. Both your energy space and your inner body space. I always knew that I needed to play it safe in this life, your very essence is the most important thing. I have had people try to enter my field, but I never allowed it. I’ve been shit on by many unaware folk in the collective, because I didn’t drop my guard with any of them. It is a very intimate experience to open oneself up to people whether in real life, or online, which is why I have always kept a close lid on who I am. I may write about my experiences from time to time, my jobs, the darkness, and how it all messes with me. You will never be allowed to see my secret coven and stand at the front gates of my inner home. I learned the importance of self preservation, and that is just one of the very many lessons that I learned. Another lesson I learned was how brutal instant karma can be in this life, and I got it ten folds on many occasions. Whether I wanted it or not. 

Every seer, psychic, light embodier, who incarnates on earth has some awareness that Astrology can be a tool. We do not need to be told, we already know. It is like a birth right. As soon as we get old enough to read about it, search information about astrology, and the planets online. We do it. No questions asked. In a lot of respects this is actually a tool that we carry around with us in the Spirit World. We invented it down here in physicality, we knew it was so needed when we got here. To study ourselves, our characters and personalities. This is what we use to understand a person’s energy signature. If your like me and other volunteers, you can just feel people right off the bat. You can spot the difficult ones and the timid ones. You can even spot the ones in between. Those psychic gifts are learned over time both here and in the spirit world, in specified classes that they have where you can build on your strengths.

Astrology is a way to see what the problem areas are and how to best see that in any given chart. A Natal Chart is a personal snap shot of the planets at the time of birth for every person, whether your psychic, or a normal functioning human. Dare I say demonically incarnated. Yes, there are those ones here too. An Aspect is a line showing energy moving from one planet to a second planet. This tells us if something is harmonious or challenging for that person, location and event.

Aspects In Astrology

If there is a challenging aspect in a person(s) chart a  Conjunction, Square or Opposition then that person will likely struggle to integrate one or multiple aspects within himself. It will be challenging for most of his/her life. Some may learn it eventually, but it might be mastered after repeated lessons over and over.

If there are harmonious aspects in a person(s) chart a Trine, Sextile and for some people a Conjunction can be a harmonious aspect. It can be if they already know how to integrate both aspects into themselves. These are easy and incorporated into the life, mostly learned in previous lifetimes lived as other aspects of themselves. 

These are the basics. I have both Challenging and Harmonious aspects in my own chart. Everyone does. We all have stuff that we need to work on here, and we all have aspects of ourselves we have already learned. During our lifetime we will experience important aspects, that will shape us, and change us for better. One of these aspects happens to be a Saturn Return. Some people have it three times throughout their life. A saturn return generally means that you have reached the age of maturity. We would like to hope that we have. This is where we begin to ask those questions of whether or not you are mature enough, or if you think that you need to mature more than what you already are. A lot of people go through a huge phase of questioning themselves and their life. Here are some themes that you might go through.

A Saturn Return Can Trigger: A physical death, the birth of a child, a marriage, death but often a birth of a child months later, a divorce, a marriage, moving and shifting locations, changing jobs, health scare, dissatisfaction with life, or, often times reaching maturity and knowing what one wants finally. In one week I leave behind a job due to increased physical pains from all of us entering ascension cycle two. My Saturn return is in early February and already I am seeing a lot of themes for me unfolding. I am always going to be a volunteer who is meant to be an embodier of light energies for the new earth. Just as we entered cycle two; I also entered cycle two. I am finding all of these connections really profound and important at this time. 

Lessons I Learned As I Approach My Saturn Return: That I am an embodier for my entire life. That I did not want to do anything in my life that made life harder. Meaningless work is meaningless. That my own sanity is important. How to stick up for myself. Speaking up (which has always been an issues for me). That timing is everything. Do not be afraid to make the changes that you need to make. Take that first step. I learned that no one will care about you in the same way as you care for yourself. It isn’t much but it is what I have learned.

Copyright © Energetic Earth – Ascending New World, 2020. All Rights Reserved. Duplication of this article is strictly prohibited. Sharing of this article is strictly prohibited.